


invisible

by valdera



Series: hxh fast food au [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 02:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17840891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valdera/pseuds/valdera
Summary: Kalluto looks at the doors. Their breath hitches. They take the manor in, again. Canary’s hesitance. The emptiness. The lack of Killua. It’s not unusual taken one by one, but together, it sends Kalluto reeling.“Alluka is gone,” they say. It’s not a question.“...Yes.” Canary answers. She does not meet their eyes.“And Killua with her?”





	invisible

**Author's Note:**

> my excuse to be as choppy and snippety as possible!!! wanted a kalluto side story bc they will come up... probably. maybe.  
> needs no context from the larger story, but i think you should read the larger story, because it's. idk. i wrote it and i think it's good.  
> update: my idiot self uploaded the wrong version of this, whoops! sorry for any initial confusion

No one notices when they enter the Zoldyck manor, and that’s fine.

Kalluto is used to slipping out of sight, after all.

The way it is, Kikyo and Silva have 3 sons—Illumi, Milluki, and Killua.

And Kalluto is a child she’d forgotten about a long time ago. It’d happened ever since they’d started growing taller, and then Kikyo had noticed just how strange it was to be dressing a _boy_ in a kimono, and shakily, she’d ordered Kalluto out of her sight.

And Kalluto had felt strange about all. About the kimono. About being a _boy_ . Something was not—quite right. It takes a year for them to figure it all out, and they remember sitting in front of the mirror in a dilapidated hotel, practicing. Feeling it out. Poking and prodding at all the raw and vulnerable spots that didn’t feel quite right until one day, behind 300 different VPNs and shaky finger, it _did_.

And now they hate this house.

The first thing they do is sneak past the security. It’s really only in place for the monster hiding in the basement. It’s not tailored towards one of them, and that is exactly how Kalluto hides in the blind spots. One of them probably already know they’ve been here. They are not trying to be subtle. But mission after mission, the first thing Kalluto does is make their way to the basement and stare and the closed doors.

There are no locks. They could break open this door easily. But Kalluto is far too scared of what’s inside to think about the protections on the door.

Inside, there is a monster that hides. And Killua loves her.

Alluka is not much older than them. But she’d been the light of his life, and Kalluto had been chained away with Kikyo, hearing her chatter about how much she loved Killua. They don’t have much attachment to Kikyo, but somewhere, beneath all of Kikyo’s shrill screams, they felt… something. There’s a reason Canary stares at Killua like he’s something special.

He’s charismatic in a way that no one else in this house is. He’s bright and lovely in a way that no one else in this house is. And he’s dangerous, even though Illumi refuses to accept that Killua will be anything but his.

Kalluto wonders when everything will break.

Alluka had been a boy, once, too, and now she’s an _it_. And they wonder what that makes them.

Maybe it has something to do with the monster inside of her, but Killua seems to love both as sisters, so maybe it’s something else.

They know that the Zoldycks will always be cold. They know that they will never be the nicest of families.

But Kalluto wants, sometimes. Wants so bad as they search in the dark and dream of different places.

It’s not like they aren’t just as bloodthirsty as the rest. It’s not like they don’t cut their targets up into little pieces and feel strangely satisfied. Even Kikyo had scolded them for their unnecessary violence back then. But they don’t know how else to do it. If they killed clean and quick, would the person really be dead? (Yes. But in such an unsatisfactory way they might as well be alive) Sometimes it is fun to tear people apart, Kalluto thinks, when you have nothing else.

Sometimes it is all you can do to remember just who you are.

They move some paper and use it to cloud the recording devices for the hall, making sure to still stay in the little blind spots of the camera system. The Zoldycks are not worried about perfect security. They use it more for the loudspeaker system than anything else. After all, not many make it into the manor.

There’s a thud behind them and they whip their head around. No one ever comes down here, not ever, unless—

It’s not Killua.

Canary looks at them. Her hair is down and messy, and Kalluto gets the feeling that she is incredibly tired. Even still, she lowers her eyes and dips into a bow.

“You look tired,” they say. It’s not a question.

She blinks up at them. “If you would allow me to, I could fix up my appearance, young master.”  

“You can drop the formalities,” Kalluto answers, quietly. They don’t particularly feel like having a title.

“It would be rude of me,” Canary says.

“No one’s watching,” they say. “And Killua would do the same.” 

She falters in her bow at that, and then seems to catch herself. Then she straightens up with a smile. “I suppose he would.” 

“Why are you down here?” Kalluto asks. Canary is still taller than them, they notice, but the distance has grown shorter.

“I’ve been… cleaning,” she responds, hesitant. “Emptying out that space.” She nods towards the basement.

Kalluto looks at the doors. Their breath hitches. They take the manor in, again. Canary’s hesitance. The emptiness. The lack of Killua. It’s not unusual taken one by one, but together, it sends Kalluto reeling.

“Alluka is gone,” they say. It’s not a question.

“...Yes.” Canary answers. She does not meet their eyes.

“And Killua with her?”

“...Yes. With her. And the… thing.” 

“Nanika,” Kalluto mutters. 

“Nanika?”

“He calls her Nanika.”

“Well, uh…”

“She,” Kalluto supplies. It feels strange to do this, they think. All of this. Strange.

“She certainly is _something_ ,” Canary says. Her shoulders have lost some of her tension. “Were you looking for the young master, perhaps?”

“Where is he?” Kalluto asks. Suddenly the manor feels even emptier than before.

Canary bites her lip. “I’m not at liberty to say.”

“But you know.” There’s a feeling like cold liquid silver slithering down their throat. Every part of them wants to scream because he feels so wound up. 

She nods, lips pressed into a thin line. “I… I received a message from my bird as soon I left the mountain for a trip to the village. He let me know that he was doing alright, and that he was traveling the seas.”

“Would you book a ticket for me?” they ask Canary. They do not rock back or forth on their heels like someone else might do were they nervous. They do not fist their hands in their kimono as if they were angry. What they do is stay very perfectly still and speak clearly with as little emotion possible. “For tonight. A ship to Yorknew.” 

Her brows furrow. “Are you planning to search for him?”

“I’m taking a break,” Kalluto announces. “Maybe I’ll search for him. Maybe I won’t.”

She sighs, and dips into a bow. “Very well. A ship is leaving at midnight. I’ll book your ticket, young master.” It’s a clear sign that the conversation is over.

The halls feel far too empty. Kalluto draws back the paper they’d used to cover up the recording devices.

Kalluto nods stiffly, turns away from the door, and walks away.

Walking like they usually do has never felt so awful.

 

* * *

 

The feeling doesn’t go away. Kalluto paces around their room. They look up at the ceiling.

 _I don’t want this,_ they think.

 _Don’t want what?_ A corner of their mind answers. _You’re not the leader of a story. There’s no end goal in sight._

Instead of thinking, Kalluto changes into a nondescript pair of shirt and pants.

They can feel tears building up in the corner of their eyes.

Kalluto swallows. They breathe deep, and settle themself down on the bed.

There’s nothing but an empty vagueness in their heart. They rub their toes against each other, biting their lip and trying to lose the tension.

It doesn’t work.

They take in another deep breaths. They are certain of some things.

Killua is gone. The thing is gone with him. Kalluto is in a place that doesn’t make sense, only that Kalluto is a thoroughbred killer. Then again, so is Killua, only apparently he’d went soft.

Kalluto tucks their knees under their chin. Given the chance, Kalluto knows, Killua would kill them. If he needed to, that is. As it is now, Kalluto’s affiliation is with the Zoldyck family, which Killua hates. Killua would also do anything for Alluka.

They don’t need to care about Killua, either. But Killua brings a sort of magic that no one else has. Killua has always felt too good for the world.

Kalluto clenches their fist. Illumi wants the monster as a tool. Kalluto has been trying to call her Alluka. Has been trying to call the other Nanika. Has not spoken a single word about it until today.

Killua will kill anyone who gets in the way of what he loves.

Kalluto may die if they try to talk to Killua.  

There are the facts.

More facts.

Kalluto does not care about murder. Kalluto does not care about being a Zoldyck. Kalluto is not a boy, and not a girl.

And some conclusions.

If anyone knew, Kalluto would be dead.

If they met Killua, they would not die.

 

* * *

 

Met is a subjective word. Technically, they have met Killua before.

But not properly, Kalluto thinks. Not well. They want to meet Killua and understand what life is like. Killua is different from the rest of them, and Kalluto wants to know why. They want to know if they can be like that, too.

Kalluto does not remember when they first saw Killua. But they remember how they felt

 

* * *

 

Canary is leaning against a tree, halfway down the mountain. She’s holding an apple in her hands.

“Hey,” she says.

Kalluto nods at her. They continue to make their way down.

“They know you’re leaving,” she says.

They turn back to face her. “I didn’t think they cared.”

“It’s a matter of principle,” she responds. She takes a bite of the apple, staring up at the tree as she swallows. “If you join the Phantom Troupe, you’ll have protection.”

“The Phantom troupe?” Kalluto asks.

“It’s an underworld gang we tend not to have dealings with. They’re powerful.”

“Okay,” Kalluto says. Their conversations always tend to be stilted, and they wonder if it’s better that way. There’s no connections for them to care about.

“In a few months there will be an auction in Yorknew,” Canary says. “They’ll most likely appear around that time.”

Kalluto nods. They might as well go there. It’s a port city, which means easy traveling, and easy escapes. If Killua follows the same line of thought, he might be there as well.

Canary takes another bite of the apple. “Safe travels,” she says.

Kalluto doesn’t trust her.

The sun is setting in a dusky orange glow around them. Canary’s eyes flash a sort of golden shade in this light. Somewhere in the world, Killua and his sister are probably watching the sunset together. Like family.

"Wait," Canary says.

Kalluto stills.

She presses a silver clip into his hand. "A memento from the room," she explains. Kalluto stares at the pale pink pearl attached to the top, delicate and bright.

"Okay," they say. They push the gates open and head out.

It’s amazing what a little searching does. How much it makes them long for things that had never been considered. Sometimes, your entire world feels normal. And then it’s fine when you feel bad, because everyone feels awful inside all the time.

Except they don’t.

The truth is that most people don’t feel like they are living in swaths of sickness each day. Most people don’t have blood on their hands, too, but that’s a kind of different Kalluto is accustomed to.

Somewhere, Kalluto knows, Killua is looking up at the same sky. He may be anywhere, that's true, sailing on the ocean, on grassy highlands, or captured in the fierce winter. But he’s there.

Kalluto can feel the distance between the two of them, pulsing like the slow thuds of a resting heart. They feel so utterly alone in this space. They find themselves frozen where they stand. They hate everything about this situation. Everything feels so sluggish, and they don’t want to move. But they force their body along.

They are not sure what the world around them means.

They bite their lip. Sometimes they feel uncomfortable.

They sigh and board the ship.

Kalluto feels like they have been living with a headache for their entire life. 

The only thing they can do now is try to find an answer.

**Author's Note:**

> went with a disjointed feel bc i didnt wanna write out kallutos entire life story and also i have other kalluto features i wanna write. hopefully it isnt too bad? this was like... a spur of the moment thing. 
> 
> leave a comment if you wish!


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